The problem with negative self-talk is not just that it damages self-esteem and identity but that it leads to negative outcomes.
Too many of us support our critical voice because it tells us off – a form of punishment – as a way to get better behaviour in future.
However, negative self-talk actually leads to WORSE outcomes, not better.
So today I’ll urge you drop you moralistic critical inner voice in favour of a pragmatic one. If you want a positive outcome, stop beating yourself up.
I’m not being soft. Negative self-talk leads to a negative self-belief. And that creates negative emotions (often shame or guilt).
And guess what, if you feel shamed and humiliated your confidence collapses and do you make a good impression? Are you giving of your best?
Of course not!
So the outcome of whatever you were feeling bad about is now pretty poor – not because of what you did but because of how you talked to yourself about it.
Fortunately you can change that self-talk to something true but useful by re-framing what happened or how you see yourself in that scenario, and like dominos the beliefs, emotion, behaviour and then outcomes become positive too.
Try it! Instead of kicking yourself when your technology goes wrong saying,
‘I’m rubbish at technology’
which will result in your moving further from it and having the same problem again, how about another true but more useful statement,
‘I’ve mastered most of this software but there’s a small part that still puzzles me’.
The emotions created are now about your increasing mastery and your behaviour is likely to be an eagerness to sort out the tricky bits.
As a result you won’t hate your software or seek refuge in your supposed innate technological inability and you’re more likely to have googled the solution and applied it by the time you need to use the program again.
Sorted!
