Our negative self-talk is damaging in a number of ways – especially as it tends to confirm a negative IDENTITY which then drives future negative behaviour.
Imagine you often miss your train in the morning. Your inner voice might pipe up ‘I’m so unreliable’.
The problem with that is that it is phrased as a statement of identity. It’s a statement defining who you are.
Research shows that our identity (ie who we think we are) is a powerful driver of our behaviour. In effect, by making an identity statement, we’re doubling down on the problem and making it more likely to be true and perpetuated.
In a language like Spanish, there is a verb for a permanent ‘to be’ and another for a temporary state ‘to be’. In English we don’t have a different word for ‘I am English’ and ‘I am tired’, though one is permanent and part of my identity and the other is a transitory state.
So we have to work a little harder than the Spanish speakers to prevent our self-talk making identity statements.
We need instead to articulate something that represents where we are on a journey. This gives us something to work with.
In the example about the lateness, challenge yourself to reframe and rephrase it as ‘I am struggling to be on time for my train these days’. This is something you can then address with changed behaviours.
If you’re just pathologically late, there’s nothing much you can do about it!
PS Come the World Cup, I will be claiming to be English, Spanish and Australian.
