This is a true story about a determined, frustrated client of mine who was focusing on the wrong things.
She was building a business, but the problems and lessons are just as powerful if you are selling your ideas (everyone is) and your value in any work environment.
In Jane’s first coaching session with me, she told me ‘I am very self-confident. I won’t need any of your stuff on courage.’ And indeed I looked at her life and had to agree – she did some extreme sports, was highly competitive and tended to win!
Jane (name changed) had been working in her industry for 20 years and started working for herself a year ago – after having a baby while completing an MBA (!).
The goal-setting session was an example of how high she aimed. Within the first 3 months she wanted to:
- Develop 3 products with all the collateral she needed
- Develop an extensive list of clients
- Be working on high-level work with her clients
How many goals do you have? How realistic are they? Unrealistic goals are counter-productive – you end up achieving none of them.
Focus
Are you frustrated by the lack of progress? Could it be a lack of focus? Or something else?
Already I saw problems. This is too much to achieve in 3 months and it lacks focus. One thing I have learnt (and am still learning!!) is that while we all want to succeed at everything at once, we actually get there faster doing one thing at a time.
But focus on one thing requires saying ‘no’ or ‘later’ to other things. This is very hard if you’re determined and ambitious (as Jane is). And it proved to be something that held her back and slowed her progress – which frustrated and puzzled her.
Puzzling Lack of Progress
Are you underselling yourself?
We worked on processes for marketing, developing products, building relationships with clients but despite her hard work, surprisingly little progress was made. After the first month, she had not sold any products. Potential clients were happy to meet but left not knowing what she really offered.
As it turned out, instead of talking them through her products, she was offering them something free, which they accepted with little engagement. They were not invested (in any way) in what she was doing for them, which was taking her about a week each time, and didn’t move on to buying anything from her.
Positioning
How much value does your behaviour suggest you add? Are you behaving like someone whose work adds value?
Jane had failed to position herself as a serious player in the market – she’d sold herself short. The clients didn’t know what she really offered, nor how she could be of real use to them.
She had not started her marketing campaign so her awareness was low and her positioning – she was still thinking of herself as someone who would do anything to help – was unclear. Her perceived value was low as her price was $0.
So why on earth was she doing this? Why, when she was so determined and motivated, was she not making progress on her goals?
Determination is no substitute for courage
Are you determined to do something but don’t seem to achieve it however hard or repeatedly you try?
Really, really wanting to do something is not enough. Jane was motivated alright, no problems there, but when we diagnosed the situation, it seemed she lacked courage and self-belief.
Determination is part of what forms our motivation. It’s essential, but it’s not sufficient. We need courage to get us to meaningful action. And it seemed that despite all her years of experience, her ability to take on physical challenges, there was an important gap – an Achilles heel.
Jane lacked self-belief when it came to selling her work. She, like so many of us, feared rejection and that meant she couldn’t bring herself to offer her work for money.
Creating Self-Belief and Identity
Are you too busy to do what’s important? Does your self-talk run counter to your ambitions?
Courage is managing fear, creating self-belief and an authentic stretch identity. We started work on all of these and realised 2 things:
- She had a lot of negative self-talk going on which she could change
- She was suffering from imposter syndrome – being busy but avoiding the most important and challenging work – offering her products to clients for money.
So every week she turned up at our sessions and shared her actions, but each time it was not action that would get her to her goals – she was avoiding it to avoid rejection.
Reducing Fear of Rejection
Which of these would make the biggest difference to the outcome you want?
So now we had a focus – remove fear of rejection. We addressed this 4 ways:
- Worked with one product, not 3
- Refined her target market so they all had the same problem which her work resolved
- Provided greater structure to that product – and increased her confidence in it
- Role-played the sales meetings
- Worked on her self-talk and identity
Frustration Turns to Success and Celebration
Jane was now prepared for ‘rejection’ in the form of her potential clients’ saying ‘no thanks’.
But it turned out she didn’t need to be concerned. When she offered her product – different iterations from cheaper to more expensive and involved, much to her surprise the clients started to buy the premium offer – they believed in her because she believed in herself and offered them value that solved their problems.
They couldn’t get enough of it!. The next week she came with great stories to share.
She’s moved from fitful, fearful interactions to flying – she’s stretched into her new identity and put her fears at bay.
Keeping focused on one thing at a time may be a challenge, but if she does, she will continue to grow and succeed in the future.
